Confidence v Comparison  

Every single time I work with a client I feel inspired. Sounds clichéd, I’m sure, but it is very, very true.

By the time someone is ready to commit to really deep work and getting a coach, they are ready to do something different. They are prepared to change. They are questioning everything, including their own perspectives.

Most of my job is to ask the best questions and to listen. Some of my job involves challenging my clients’ perspectives, but that is usually through questioning and reflecting back what they have shared with me.

What I notice is that we very rarely give ourselves enough credit. We don’t tend to see how much we are doing already, how much we have given of ourselves, or that we are already incredibly brave, open and loving. Our focus lies more on what we haven’t done yet or who we haven’t helped and given our time and energy to. This in itself is an honourable and caring statement, yet we don’t often see it that way.

Our world is full of opportunities for comparison and we jump at every single one.

The people I work with are successful (in a variety of ways) and their accomplishments in both work and life never cease to amaze me. Over the years I would have thought I’d become more accustomed to hearing the list of commitments they have, the overwhelming challenges they’ve faced, or the incredible pressure they are under but every time I feel a little pang of shock when I learn the full extent of the resilience people have.

They are managing difficult relationships at home, strained situations at work, children who are terminally ill, or who have passed, or children who are very sick, abusive childhoods or relationships, a major world crisis that affects global businesses, employees with frustrations, expectations from family, from employees, from partners, from themselves, the responsibility of caring for a whole company of people from 8 to 8000.


We tell ourselves all sorts of stories about what we “could / should” do – those haunting and pressurised words that taunt us in to believing we need to do or be more. The use of these words in themselves just adds to our to-do list.

If they’re in your vocabulary, remove them. They are useless and provide little drive for real change. Instead, try replacing them with “I will” or “I am”. You’ll find more power and more action in statements that use those words. Our words really are the end of our thoughts so if you want to have more direction around what you think, start by changing what you say… a bit of reverse-engineering!

In all of us

Perhaps it is just the people I attract and seek in my business, people who care, people who want to improve, people who are “driven to be their best” but I think this ability is really in all of us.

We are all incredibly strong. We are all bold. We are all faced with challenges. The sooner we recognise what impressive beings we are, the more we can let our confidence flow and the comparisons fall away. The more we do this, the stronger we become as a connected world full of brave, passionate people.

Stop comparing. Listen to all you have done, all you do, who you are. Remember, you inspire people just by being you.